All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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