butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
