how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
