Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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