I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize