My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
