I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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