I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
