We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
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