2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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