im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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