found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
