Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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