Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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