when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
