Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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