i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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