So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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