went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
