Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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