Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
