I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
