I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
