Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
