I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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