You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
