I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
