i think i have two assholes
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
