dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
