If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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