Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
sarcasm needs its own font
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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