If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I wear drunk well.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
