she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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