just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
