just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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