Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
