you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
