just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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