i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
