You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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