Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
