I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
