I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
