she was so not down for the gang bang
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
