If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
