I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
