She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
