If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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