apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
