weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
