I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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