So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
