i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
