Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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